


i saw a flicker, then just smoke

by sulfuric



Category: The Maze Runner (2014), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Angst, Backstory, Fluff and Angst, Freeform, M/M, Pre-Canon, Suicide Attempt, and Things happen, newt becomes a runner
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-23
Updated: 2015-05-23
Packaged: 2018-03-31 19:13:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3989524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sulfuric/pseuds/sulfuric
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>there’s a boy - there’s lots of boys, but there’s a <i>boy.</i> he sees him right away, his eyes drawn to him like a moth to a light. it’s kind of embarrassing, really, because he can’t stop staring at the beautiful boy jogging through the glade.</p><p>that night, he’s introduced to the keeper of the runners.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i saw a flicker, then just smoke

**Author's Note:**

> hello all, so this is my first fic/thing for tmr and im so excited to share it with such lovely people! i tried something very different than the style i usually write, so yea it might work it might not? feedback is greatly appreciated!

**i.** he wakes up to darkness and fading memories of sisters and dogs and soon enough there’s lots of bodies hovering over him and nothing makes sense. they tell him he’s green or something along the lines of that; he doesn’t understand anything.

 

 **ii.** there’s a boy - there’s lots of boys, but there’s _a boy_. he sees him right away, his eyes drawn to him like a moth to a light. it’s kind of embarrassing, really, because he can’t stop staring at the beautiful boy jogging through the glade.

that night, he’s introduced to the keeper of the runners.

 

 **iii.** he’s almost certain that he’s never wanted anything so badly as he wants to be a runner.

 

 **iv.** minho takes him under his wing and teaches him the ropes of running. he hadn’t expected it to be so damn hard, but he can’t find it in him to complain.

 

 **v.** after a while, he has to run on his own. and maybe he’s making it up, but he can almost swear that he sees a bit of sadness or regret or _something_ in minho’s eyes when he says that he has to train the newest runner. almost.

it’s strange, running alone. he doesn’t like it.

 

 **vi.** early mornings become his favourite part of the day. heavy eyelids and burning orange light accompany his and minho’s morning routine. they wake up silently among the sleeping bodies and carefully creep towards each other, lazy smiles and unspoken words shared between them. they don’t talk much, but they don’t have to. it’s simply enough.

 

 **vii.** he doesn’t need to understand running. it’s mechanical, automatic. it’s the slap of his feet against the ground, the slow burn building in his muscles. it’s run, stop, draw. rinse and repeat. get out before the doors close. get to the map room. do it all over again the next day. just don’t get lost.

 

 **viii.** running is lonely. he longs for the days back when he and minho ran together. seeing him again after he’s done is sometimes the only thing that gets him through the maze each day.

 

 **ix.** minho kisses him exactly a month after he arrives. they’re sitting by the fire lit in honor of the new greenie who’s name neither of them bothered to learn and most of the boys have trickled back towards the homestead for the night. one second they’re laughing softly and the next they’re both leaning in and then they’re kissing.

he can swear he sees sparks fly and maybe it’s just from the fire but in that moment he knows. he knows that out of all the confusion and fear and not knowing and nothing making any sense in this bloody maze and this bloody place, there is finally one thing that does.

the next morning, their eyes are a little more tired and their smiles a little bit wider.

 

 **x.** time passes so slowly when he's running. he's left with so many minutes alone with nothing but his thoughts and sometimes they scare him a little bit so he tries to think of minho instead.

 

 **xi.** it's a few months later and minho says he needs to show him something. something important, something secret. he almost thinks he's kidding when he shows him the completed model of the maze but bites back his laugh just as it reaches the tip of his tongue. in that moment he comes to understand another thing about the maze and why they're here.

it doesn't matter. none of it at all.

the realization dawns on him just as minho opens his mouth to speak only to shut it again.

they don't say anything for the rest of the night.

 

 **xii.** he tries to distract himself from the pointlessness of the maze and the act of running itself with long kisses and gentle touches and low groans shared in the dark. one night he lies on minho's chest, the two of them still breathing heavy and covered in a thin film of sweat, when the thought comes into his head.

maybe, for him, it's just a distraction. maybe he never loved him at all, maybe since day one it was all just so he could get his mind off the maze once in a while. maybe.

even with minho's arms around him and his heartbeat against his cheek, he doesn't fall asleep for a long time.

 

 **xiii.** one day he's running (running, all this running, for nothing) and he remembers something minho told him back when he first started. he laughs when he remembers "don't get lost". it had been so obvious then - _yeah, don't get lost in the bloody maze, i got it_ \- but he hadn't known. he hadn't known that the maze wasn't the only thing he could get lost in. he's pretty sure minho knows that, knew that when he first told him.

it's getting harder and harder for him not to get lost.

 

 **xiv.** he's not quite sure when it happened, really. sometime after learning the truth about the maze, probably. he can feel minho falling out of love with him, slowly but surely. maybe it was never real and he just stopped caring, stopped pitying him. the more he thinks about it the more he's convinced that minho never loved him at all.

 

 **xv.** he's running one afternoon and he cuts off a low hanging vine like he's done a million times before. a thought pops into his head.

 

 **xvi.** that night he feels strange. minho asks if he's alright when they're lying together in the homestead and he nods _, of course._ later, he realizes this is the last night he'll be spending in minho's arms and the sudden weight on his chest almost makes him change his mind.

 

 **xvii.** there's about thirty minutes before the doors close and he's up high, higher than he's ever been. the sky is turning pink. vines are wrapped around his hands and his feet are pressed hard against the stone wall.

he lets out a whisper of a _sorry_ that he knows will never reach the ears it's intended for, and then he jumps.

 

 **xviii.** he wakes up, which is a shock, first of all, then an overwhelming disappointment. it's dark and he has to squint to make out the interior of the med-jack shack. there's another body, a dark figure breathing softly in and out beside him. _minho_. for a reason he can't quite pin down, his eyes start to burn and then he's crying and crying and it doesn't stop until the night is long gone and minho's arms have stopped shaking around him.

  
  
  
  


 

 

 **xix.** it takes a long time but he eventually learns to walk again. he learns to ignore the stares and he learns to meet minho’s gaze again without feeling guilty. it takes a long time - a really long time, but he learns to be okay. he still doesn’t understand who put them there or _why_ , but he doesn’t need to, at least for now. he has his family. he has minho.

 

and for him, that’s enough.

 

 


End file.
